Let’s expand our vocabulary…

Mrs. Webster (you know, Miriam) defines the quality or state of being responsible as accountability, reliability and trustworthiness.

In the heat of the moment it’s often tempting to victimize ourselves which is disempowering and often largely untrue. Gathering evidence such as who or what brought troubles upon us only reinforces a victim mindset. Catching these sorts of automatic thinking patterns is key in changing our view of the world and how we interact with it.

Suffering has been done for us, and we have done plenty of our own since, but it’s no longer necessary. Pain is inevitable, misery is a choice. Discomfort can be enough to teach us contrast. Contrast is the nature of the world we live in and how we experience life. Contrast offers clarity. Knowing details of what we DON’T want, is sometimes necessary in order for us to better understand what we DO want. Looking at the nature of our discomfort shifts our perspective from victimhood to scientist. Not just any scientist, THE scientist, the one and ONLY scientist who could ever, possibly, help you with yourself. That’s is to say… it’s YOU! With your little doctor robe on, goggles, maybe holding a beaker lol look at you, getting after it!

First experiment- become the observer. Perceive/experience, the world around you as data, rather than circumstances to which you find yourself repeatedly victim to.

Rather than compiling a list of how a person has wronged you, consider why it matters to you at all. Ruminating on all you’ve been triggered by and are reactive to is popping a squat in the valley of the shadow of death. Nothing new there, it’s all too familiar, those are easy finds, low hanging fruit. Reach further to gather quality data! You will eventually gather enough data to start making moves. Here is where responsibility comes in.

Shifting this approach empowers you to be the victor. Suddenly you’re not triggered, you’re curious.You’re not reactive, you’re responsive.

Having personal responsibility takes the patience and diligence to get to know yourself. To catch negative thought patterns and get out of self destructive behavior loops. Knowing who you are offers a unique sense of peace. Having a solid sense of who you are better enables you to BE the peace, even in the eye of the storm- there is peace. There is peace in personal responsibility that replaces reactivity with an ABILITY to RESPOND! Reacting is the past on repeat, RESPONDing is deliberate, intentional and on purpose.

Whatever bass ackwards story is being created in the mind, is woven by the inner dialogue and rooted in your beliefs. Beliefs you might not have even realized you formed or adopted. Early childhood experiences taught us actions have consequences. Consequences we may not realize we have formed rules and beliefs around. As you reflect and begin gathering information, avoid slipping into automatic thinking. You’re not on a hunt for reasons to get down on yourself or even excuse yourself or others. In this practice your intention is to gather information and the ‘why’ is so that you can modify and adjust where necessary, in order to attain a more balanced experience.

By shifting your perspective and becoming the observer of your thoughts and feelings, you bring a stop to the continuation of false narratives. As the observer, you’re able to meet parts of yourself. Various characters in the role of you, manifested through experiences. Some helped build the wheels you have found yourself on, or laid out paths you have so easily allowed your thoughts to follow but they did that to protect you. Honor how capable you are, how effective you were in conjuring up these roles in order to endure and survive. Because, here you are, so it worked! But now, it may be time to let a few of those characters know, they’re in the way. Have compassion- They may not know they’re obstructing your path to contentment, they just want you to succeed. Honor their efforts and tenderly let them know they can step aside. Spend time getting to know parts of yourself, and loving them! It can be an immensely helpful part of the self healing process.

In closing, personal responsibility is a profound act of self-liberation. By shifting from victimhood to curiosity, from reactivity to responsiveness, and from judgment to observation, we gain the ability to rewrite the narratives that shape our lives. This process is not about blame—neither of ourselves nor others—but about empowerment. It’s about recognizing the roles we’ve played, honoring the parts of ourselves that have protected us, and consciously choosing to step into the role of creator in our lives.

As we gather data, meet ourselves with compassion, and intentionally adjust our beliefs and actions, we uncover a peace that comes from truly knowing and accepting ourselves. This peace becomes a steady foundation, allowing us to navigate life’s contrasts with grace and purpose.

So, put on your scientist’s goggles, grab your metaphorical beaker, and keep experimenting. The journey to understanding and healing yourself is not only possible—it’s transformative. And the best part? It’s entirely within your power.